Grudges are good! With Dr. Mark Chamberlain


This week I got to sit down with Dr. Mark Chamberlain. Mark has PhD in Clinical Psychology and specializes in helping people navigate the process of forgiveness, specifically in situations where it’s really hard, like when one member of the partnership struggles with addiction. You can listen to our conversation in the podcast above and get more details on forgiveness in the post below…

Why We Apologize

Before we dive in too far to this blog post, I want you to check out this blog post called Why We Apologize. The concepts taught in this post completely transformed my marriage more than anything else I’ve learned in the last 7+ years doing this marriage stuff.

Grudges Are Good

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Grudges and resentment can devastate your relationship. Yet Dr. Mark Chamberlain says they are actually good for your marriage!

Here’s why.

A grudge is like a fever. When it hits, you know something is wrong. Something needs fixing.

If you’re experiencing a grudge or some resentment, it’s a great sign that you’re feeling misunderstood, that you’ve been hurt and tried to bury it, or that there’s an unresolved issue looming in the back of your mind.

Appreciate the grudge for giving you a heads up, but don’t hang onto it.

Once you figure out what’s ailing you, do something about it!

Apologize Regularly

Remember, apologizing is not an admission of wrongdoing. It doesn’t make you the bad guy. It is just a way to heal your partner’s emotional wounds.

Courageous couples build apology time into to their weekly relationship inventory. Ask your partner if you did anything over the last week that you need to clean up with them.

This is the kind of thing a couple with Legendary Love does that everyone else misses out on. Habits like this ensure that you your relationship resentment-free.

If you want to take a 7-Day Forgiveness Challenge, I HIGHLY recommend joining The 1% Club. After doing this challenge you’re going to feel more connected, more playful, and more in love than you’ve felt in a LONG time.

About Dr. Mark Chamberlain

Dr. Chamberlain loves listening to individuals and couples in an effort to enter their world as they see it, and hopefully over time help them rise above the limits of their current perceptions to take a broader perspective and discover previously unseen possibilities.

Over the years, he’s found some specific research-validated relapse-prevention skills to be quite helpful for individuals in the early stages of recovering from addiction.

Over the long-term, most clients’ recovery is greatly strengthened by deeper emotional connections in relationships. He uses Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy to help couples heal the negative cycles that can sabotage such closeness. The greatest reward comes when they discover that true, deep attachment is “the real deal” that old addictions could never counterfeit.

Check out his book Love You, Hate The Porn.