In today’s podcast, I sit down with Celeste Davis, the creator of the Marriage Laboratory. We talk about eliminating phrases from our vocabulary that don’t help us get what we want - specifically the phrase, “I don’t know.” And don’t forget to check out Celeste and her husband, Rich’s podcast, Marriage Theraoke, where they provide much-needed relationship counseling to famous pop songs.
What if the words, "I don't know," didn't exist?
What if you just couldn’t say those words anymore? What if you couldn’t use them as an excuse for not having the answers to some of your biggest challenges and most annoying problems?
What would change in your life?
I hear the words "I don't know" a LOT. Think about how you would respond if I asked you these questions:
What can you do to improve your relationship?
Why is your partner checked out?
What is it that's making you feel overwhelmed in life, and what can you do about it?
Do you have a dream or an ambitious goal? If so, what is the next step you need to take to fulfill your biggest dream? If not, why not?
Why do you handle conflict the way you do?
Where did you learn your most powerful mindsets and attitudes towards life? What about the least powerful ones that are holding you back?
What thing, if you did it today, would have the greatest positive impact on your life?
Some of these questions are big. Some are fairly straightforward.
And for most people, they invoke the answer, "I don't know..."
People use "I don't know" as a shield.
"I don't know" is a great way to avoid taking responsibility for your circumstances.
"I don't know" is a simple phrase to use to get you off the hook if you're feeling stuck.
"I don't know" is an easy way to avoid doing the work of truly knowing yourself and facing difficult truths.
Now, I want you to do a little experiment. Think of an area in your life that isn't quite how you want it to be. If "I don't know" isn't an option, what can you do to identify the issue keeping you from having that area of your life be excellent, and what can you do make it better?
Make a list of the things you might be doing to contribute to the creation of your problems, and 5-10 possible things you could do to make them better!
I promise if you do this, you'll be shocked at your own wisdom. The amount of insight you have into your own struggles and the power you have to change them will surprise you.
How would your life be different if "I don't know" was eliminated from your vocabulary? And the vocabulary of your relationship... and your kids lives... and your friends...
Try it out. Tell me what you think in the comments below.
About Celeste Davis
Celeste and her husband Rich are the creators of the Marriage Laboratory blog. They believe marriage is the perfect laboratory for human growth.
We grow. We change. We mess up. It’s all part of the process. There are bound to be some growing pains. The important thing is that we keep trying. Maybe we water it at different times of the day, maybe we change it’s location. Maybe we go see a therapist to ask for watering and weeding help.
The point is that we need to EXPERIMENT to figure out just how to nurture our own plant to make it thrive.