8 Important Questions To Ask During Your Relationship Inventory
Every week my wife and I have what we call a Relationship Inventory.
It’s an opportunity to sit down and go over the logistics of the upcoming week, review the past week, and to address any issues that need to be addressed in order to keep us from becoming resentful, passive aggressive, burned out and completely miserable in our relationship.
Today’s podcast episode (you can listen to it above) goes over a recent Relationship Inventory we had where we talked about some really stressful, emotionally charged stuff so you can get an idea of how it works. And here in this blog post I’m going to outline some good guidelines for a successful Relationship Inventory, and some powerful questions you could be asking each other regularly to ensure your relationship stays strong and connected.
Here you go…
1 - What went well last week?
This is an opportunity for you to celebrate the big victories and little wins. Get a promotion at work? Celebrate it! Get all the laundry done? Get some recognition.
And since you know you’re going to be asking each other this question every week, you can score extra points with your partner by keeping a list of all the things you saw them do well over the last few days.
2 - What Can I Do Better Next Week?
Don’t focus on the bad of the week before. Just ask your partner what you could do better? Do they need you to be more attentive? Do they want more appreciation or affection? Do they need a day off to recharge their batteries or a romantic date night?
This is your chance to take note of what you can do in the upcoming 7 days to score some major wins with your partner! Take note, and make sure you follow through.
3 - On a Scale from 1-10, How Was I As A Husband/Wife This Week?
This can be a scary question to ask. Only ask it if you want to accept the truth with humility!
If you ask this question and get defensive or angry, the Relationship Inventory is over. However, if you ask this question with power and a desire to use the information to get be a better partner next week, it can be one of the most useful and empowering pieces of this conversation.
4 - What Can I Do Next Week To Make Me An X+1?
If your partner rates you a 2 or an 8, your job is not to jump to a 10. Simply focus on getting a little bit better next week. The power of incremental gains is real and sustainable.
If you’re a 2, do what it takes to be a 3. If you’re a 7, see if you can get to 7.5 next week. If you’re a 9… well, keep it up!
This is an opportunity for you to take notes on how your partner perceives you, and what is most important to them.
5 - What Do You Want Me To Ask You About Later?
During your Relationship Inventory you can take some time to go over the logistics of the next week. A great question to ask is “What do you want me to ask you about later?”
This is an opportunity for your partner to let you know about important things in their life that they’d like you to be involved in. Maybe they have a big presentation at work on Thursday, and it would feel nice if you asked them about it. Maybe they have a doctors appointment, a play date, an interview, or a high-stakes conversation on their radar, and they just want you to be in the know.
This question sets you up for another easy way to make your partner feel cherished.
6 - When Did I Catch You Living Your Values?
Your partner’s Core Values are what give them meaning and purpose in life. When they live their values they feel connected, like they have purpose, and they’re more likely to get into a state of flow.
Do you know what your partner’s core values are? If you don’t… you should find out. And if you do know, you should do everything you can to catch your partner living those Core Values.
Not only will it make them feel like a million bucks, but it make you fall even more in love with them. Your partner’s core values are likely what attracted you to them in the first place. As you focus on seeing and rewarding the behaviors that align with those core values, you’ll never fall out of love.
7 - What Was Your Favorite Thing About Me This Week?
Yeah, it’s a selfish question… but it also sets your partner up to make you feel like a million bucks. Sometimes it’s nice to hear what little things made a big difference in someone’s life. This question allows space for that very thing.
8 - Who’s in charge of… ?
You can do logistics first, or you can do them last. But no Relationship Inventory is complete without going over a few important details like:
Who’s in charge of planning date night?
Who’s going to get the sitter?
Is anyone’s birthday coming up?
Did we get all the bills paid?
Do we need to change the oil in the car?
Etc. etc. etc.
Divvy up the duties. Make sure your relationship runs smoothly, and that you are making clear agreements with each other instead of living through unspoken expectations.
Have A Question To Add?
Do you have a question to add to this list? Submit it below in the comments! Did you do your own Relationship Inventory after hearing this podcast or reading the blog? Tell us about it! We’d love to hear.