Confidence is not a requirement before taking action. Confidence is a result of taking action.
That (paraphrased) quote hit me like a ton of bricks as I read the first pages of a new book this morning.
I've been waiting to feel courageous and confident before taking big risks. I told myself that if I waited long enough - if I planned, and worked, and spent enough time thinking things through - eventually everything I wanted would just magically appear into my life.
I was wrong.
There will always be doubt until you take action.
Let me explain this using an embarrassing story from my life: I didn't kiss a girl until I graduated high school. (I know, right?)
I remember on one particular occasion, a girl had asked me to be her date to a formal dance. This girl was WAY out of my league. She was a varsity cheerleader. She was a Senior (a year older than I was). And she was really cute.
She picked me up, and despite my insecurities and overwhelming nerdiness, the evening seemed to be going really well... We even held hands!
As the night wound down, it was time for her to take me home. She walked me to my doorstep and gave me a long hug. She stepped back and looked into my eyes, then down at my lips. Then back at my eyes. She and just lingered there... and I froze.
I panicked! I didn't know what to do!
I was so scared, and lacked so much confidence, that rather than kiss her flat on the lips like she obviously wanted, I leaned in and gave her a big, wet kiss on the cheek... just like the kind you'd get from a grandma.
I even made the sound, "MMMMMMMUAH!"
When I realized what I'd just done, I was mortified. I opened the door, ran inside, and freaked out. Why did I chicken out?! WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?!
I was spending too much time in my head, thinking, instead of just doing.
It's easy to get stuck in your head. We convince ourselves that it's safe. We imagine if we never take action, we will never have to risk failure. But the shelter of inaction never lasts. Eventually we're forced to make a decision, and the longer we wait, the worse things get, and the more terrified we become.
But when we set aside all of the crazy that we work ourselves into, and just take action, the fog always seems to lift, and we experience clarity and confidence.
I Love You...th Soccer
Ever have that battle at the beginning of a relationship where you don't want to be the first one to bust out the "L" word? You say things like, "I really really like you a lot." Or, "I love so much about you."
We'll elude to it, but we won't just say it.
But then there's that moment of clarity when you just say, "To hell with it, I love you. I know it. You know it. I'm sick of playing this torturous mind game. I'm just going to own it!" Then suddenly the other person finally feels safe saying, "I love you too! I've just been waiting for you to say it."
What a liberating experience taking action can be, right?
Now, I invite you to look at your life and your relationships. Where are you getting stuck in your head? What are the conversations you're not having, or the decisions you're avoiding? Are you working yourself into a frenzy rather than taking action?
STOP DOING THAT!
The confidence and clarity you seek will come the moment you stop thinking, and start doing.
If you're feeling stuck, and you need some help getting out of your head, I'm teaching a free seminar in Salt Lake this week on creating amazing, mind-blowing love... and we'll be spending time on this very thing. I'd love to see you there. Click here to reserve your ticket... and bring a friend.
If you can't make it, I encourage you to check out one of the most recent podcasts:
Say Yes To Adventure
Josh and Jenny Solar talk about their family motto, "We don't talk about doing cool stuff, we do cool stuff." Their integrity-themed motto has opened up a world of possibilities for their family, and for their love.
This conversation with Josh and Jenny is the interview that completely shattered my life-long expectations of what I thought love was like. They are the couple I will never forget.
You Play For The League You Practice For
Hank and Sueann toyed with each other for years as friends before they finally took the plunge and decided to date and get married. They learned quickly that just like anything else, the quality of love they experience depends entirely on how much and how hard they practice.
If there were a World Series of love, they would always be in contention for the title.
Oh... and by the way... I did eventually kiss a girl. All it took was a little action.
And it was awesome.