patience

Episode #49 - Jim and Cindy (Part 2)

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[powerpress]In part 2 In this week’s episode we wrap up last week's conversation with Jim and Cindy Wigdahl. Jim and Cindy have been friends for over 30 years, but have only been married for 4 or 5 years. Their story is amazing and sad and full of hope all at the same time. It will open your heart. I hope you love it.

In this conversation, we discuss:

  • Not trying to change each other.
  • Be a good listener.
  • The power of male friendships
  • Don't allow yourself to be drawn to a person who is exactly like you
  • Love yourself first
  • Being ok not having all the answers, and instead being a questioner
  • How losing your spouse changes your perspective of life
  • Loneliness
  • How do you know in 2 months that you were supposed to get married?
  • "I'm happy to be stuck with you." When you're single, if you don't like something, you just leave and find something else that you prefer.

[jbox title="Show Notes:" border="5" radius="15"] If you love the smooth and sultry sounds of Jim's voice, you can check out his voice talent website <a href="jimwigdahl.com" target="_blank">here</a>. Leave your thoughts about this interview in the comments!

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Episode #35 - Jay and Lara

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[powerpress]

How Are You Choosing To Show Up Today?

The difference between the truly legendary people who leave a lasting impact on this world, and the billions of merely average and "good" people, is how the legends decide to show up. Every. Single. Day.

One choice made over and over, every day - to show up - is what made Michael Jordan into the greatest basketball player of all time. It's what got Abraham Lincoln elected as President. It's how Steve Jobs turned his vision into a modern-day empire. The decision to show up, to fight with conviction, to inspire, and to do the work that nobody else is willing to do is what separates the excellent from the average.

This principle doesn't just apply to ideas, careers, and companies. It also applies to relationships... which is why most marriages are merely average. Truly legendary marriages require a consistent effort and dedication to showing up that most people are unwilling to commit to.

Marriage is a continual process. It's a re-commitment to each other. That it requires continual forgiveness, continual self-growth and examination.

-Lara Ward

After talking to over 100 couples about love, I believe that what we've allowed our society to deem as a "good" relationship is not good enough. We can change what is acceptable. We can raise the average. We can pull ourselves out of the mire of crap that we all too often get sucked into.

Can you really find a way to let the other person be who they are, and can you be who you are? But you get mired in all this crap. You get mired in all the little stuff, and the pettiness, and the day-to-day stuff. Sometimes you have to remove yourself if you can, and take a look at the big picture. What's the goal?...At the end of the day, if I made her life special, that would be pretty cool.

-Jay Ward

 

The greatest relationships are reserved for the people who are willing to dig deep, battle personal demons, and show up every day.

As Theodore Roosevelt said,

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again,

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

What do you think? Has our society grown complacent when it comes to love? What does it mean to "show up" in a relationship? How can you show up better? I'd love to hear your ideas in the comments!

[jbox title="Show Notes:" border="5" radius="15"] You can follow Jay and Lara's travels on Lara's blog here.

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Episode #31 - Roger and Judy

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[powerpress]

Patience: The Art Of Being OK Not Getting What You Want When You Want It

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I remember that feeling I experienced when I had to wait for each Harry Potter book to be released. For months, and even sometimes years, I'd be left on pins and needles, wondering what was next, who would die, and how Harry would defeat Voldemort. Kids now-a-days who get to read through the whole series without having to wait don't understand the months of anxiety and speculation and drama that preceded the release of each book, and the overwhelming joy that ensued when I finally got my greedy little hands on a copy.

I experience similar feelings recently when I got introduced to Breaking Bad. It had been a long time since I had to count down months, then weeks, then days until the big finale. The waiting was almost torturous. I'd find a way to bring the series up in conversation at nearly any opportunity, and when people didn't know what I was talking about, I'd try to convert them.

Harry Potter and Walter Wight... They have taught me the virtue of patience.

Or at least that's what I thought.

It wasn't until I met Roger and Judy that I realized the "patience" I exercised while waiting for cookies to bake in the oven is just a drop in the bucket compared to what is often required to experience a deeply loving and satisfying relationship... the kind of relationship that some people only dream of.

When What You Want Means Waiting...

Roger and Judy met in a very small town where everybody knew nearly everybody else. One day he walked into a hotel, and saw this beautiful woman with amazing legs answer the phone, and he was sold. He knew they had to be together.

Over the next few months as they became fast friends, feelings began to develop. They wanted to be together, but Judy was already married. Her husband - a helicopter pilot - had been sent off to the Vietnam War and was proclaimed Missing in Action after he was shot down behind enemy lines. The military informed Judy that it was highly unlikely that anyone would survive a crash of that nature, but until they were certain, they could not proclaim her husband as Killed in Action.

Their friendship grew as Judy overcame the hardship of losing her husband, and Roger patiently acted as a friend and support to her.

Even when feelings began to develop between them, they exercised patience, and did not disrespect the vows Judy had made with her missing husband.

Over a year later, Judy received confirmation that her husband had, in fact, been killed in action, which allowed for Roger and Judy's relationship began to progress into something more serious.

Roger attributes this time of healing, and waiting, and building a solid, steady friendship as essential to creating a the strong, stable foundation their relationship now rests on. The care and love they developed for each other ran incredibly deep before they were ever romantically involved with each other.

Their willingness to be patient added a whole new depth and dynamic to their relationship.

Sometimes You Get What You Want... Just Not The Way You Planned

After getting married, Roger and Judy wanted to have children. It wasn't long before they found out that they couldn't have kids on their own.

Anyone who has struggled with this can attest to the fact that it is maximum suckitude. It can take a toll on a relationship. When people get married, nobody plans to not be able to make babies. It's not something you can anticipate.

The realization can make a person feel empty and hollow. It can be incredibly overwhelming, emotional, and discouraging.

But rather than lose hope, Roger and Judy decided to try for adoption.

They filed their paperwork and began the familiar process of waiting.

They waited for weeks. Then months. Then a year.

They prayed. They hoped. They leaned on each other for strength.

They practiced patience until their patience ran out... and then they practiced some more.

Then, the call came, and they welcomed their first child into their home.

In a matter of years they had 3 more children, all adopted, and all incredibly loved.

What does it mean?!

I guess the point of all this is that life just doesn't often work the way we expect it to.

The plans we make for ourselves are often foiled by serendipity and happenstance. Our biggest struggles and unexpected challenges can lead us to our most satisfying victories. The longest waits often result in the greatest payoff.

So, if there's something you're fighting for, or working for, or wishing for... hang in there. Be patient. Keep focusing on that goal. But don't forget to check your peripheral vision. Sometimes the answers we're most ready for aren't exactly where we expect them to appear.