Why 50 Years of Marriage ≠ A Good Marriage
This week I listened to a podcast featuring a future friend of mine, Richie Norton as the guest. He told this awesome story that happened to him in his mid-20's. He was invited by Stephen M. R. Covey (son of Stephen R. Covey… the author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) to help train business professionals to be better leaders.
When he was offered the opportunity he freaked out. He felt too young and inexperienced for the gig. “You want me to go train these grey-hairs? What are they going to think?”
Mr. Covey responded with some epic advice:
A lot of people say they have 20 years of experience when in reality they only have 1 year of experience 20 times.
That's what I call a knowledge bomb!
Growth > Time
That quote perfectly summarizes why I hate it when people say they (or someone they know) have a great marriage because they've been together for XX years.
Just because you’ve been married for a few decades doesn’t mean you’ve got a good marriage!
Tons of people are married for AGES, but they just relive the same dysfunctional year over and over and over again.
Sometimes being married a long time just means you’re really good at enduring being miserable, having the same fights over and over, or constantly walking on eggshells. Or you’ve just stopped caring. Or maybe you’re too scared to speak up and say what you’ve got isn’t what you want… cause the relationship you’ve got - as bad as it is - might be as good as it gets.
That does not sound like what any of us signed up for when we first fell in love.
The Cycle of Mediocrity
Yet, this trap is so easy to fall into! Have you noticed the problems you have in your marriage are almost always different versions of the same thing?
The same argument about how you spend or save your money, or the same argument about who initiates sex, or the same argument about which in-laws you visit over the holidays…
It sucks to feel stuck in a cycle like this! It's miserable. Yet I see it ALL THE TIME.
This is what I call mediocre love… reliving the same arguments, struggles, disappointments, frustrations, and challenges over and over and over for decades.
If you want an incredible marriage you’ve gotta get unstuck.
You've gotta be like Freddy Mercury and break free!
You need to grow, to learn, to improve, to advance, to invest in the things that matter. You need to confront your shortcomings, to speak up, to assess what works, what doesn’t and what needs to change.
And you can’t do this just once. You have to be doing it consistently!
There is ALWAYS room to grow.
Think of your life experience. Do you have X years experience, or 1 year of experience X times?
Are you stuck in one area of your life?
If you are stuck, what do you need to learn to get unstuck? What do you need to get better at? What conversation do you need to have that you’ve been avoiding? What needs to change so that you can have a different outcome?
If you need help figuring out what you need to do to break out of the cycle you're in, let’s talk.