Lube. This episode will blow your mind... Really

Why Do An Episode On Lube?

When Kristin first approached me about doing an episode on lube, I was like, "Uh... won't that just be like a 30-second episode? Lube reduces friction. Done."

"Nate, there's so much more to than that!"

Boy, was she right!

The Facts

Lube in the United States is not regulated by the FDA.

That means companies can put all sorts of stuff in their products that could do damage to your body. Many lubrications include chemicals that cause allergic reactions, that leave you with a rash, itchyness, sensitivity, overly-dry skin, or tingling.

Some chemicals will cause the epithelial layer of your skin to fall off, which can be SUPER bad!

Some lube messes with your pH levels, which can cause yeast infections or even expose you to bacteria and infection!

Some lube increases your risk of cancer, and some will even cause your cells (including semen) to explode...

You can read more about how your lube can affect your body here, or you can download an amazing guide at the bottom of this post.

Needless to say, NOT ALL LUBE IS CREATED EQUAL!

Good Lubes vs. Bad Lubes

A great general practice to determine whether or not your lube is safe is to read the ingredients on the bottle. If you can pronounce the ingredients, you're pretty safe. If you can't, you're probably not using a great lube.

Another great indicator that your lube sucks is if you're experiencing any rashes, irritation, or unintended pain or discomfort during sex.

Here's a list of Kristin's favorite lubes. (Hint, KY does NOT make the list.) Try them out! They might take your sex life from painful to enjoyable, or from enjoyable to mind-blow ingly awesome:

Sliquid H20 Intimate Lube Glycerine & Paraben Free - 8.5 oz Bottle by Sliquid, LLC

Überlube Luxury Lubricant 100ml

Coconu Organic Personal Lubricant - Coconut Oil-based - 3 Fluid Ounce

YES Personal Lubricant Water-Based Formula - Organic Vaginal Moisturizer 150ml/ 5.07 oz

Good Clean Love Almost Naked Lubricant, 1.5 Fluid Ounce

For more information, listen to the entire episode. It really is SO good.

Show Notes:

Here are some of the resources Kristin referred to during today's episode:

• The science of lubricants

• Lube's effect on the body

• Safe shopping list

"What's your goal?" with Ashley and Nathan Logsdon

WHAT'S YOUR GOAL?

This question is at the heart of the Ashley and Nathan's marriage.

Two years ago they realized they were headed down a path with their life that included a nice house, fancy cars, a great salary, stressful 9-5 workdays, and a whole lot of other things that sound a lot like the lives of a huge chunk of the world.

They realized that what they really wanted was a life of adventure, travel, and memory-making together as a family.

But was a life like that possible? What would people think? How could they make it happen?

In this episode, they'll tell you all about how they live their goals every single day.

GREAT COMMUNICATION

The phrase, "What's your goal?" has developed an even meaning in the Logsdon's marriage.

One night in the middle of some normal marriage conflict, Nathan looked at Ashley and said, "What's your goal right now?"

It dawned on her that what she really wanted was to be right. Or to be in control. Or to make Nathan wrong.

It shocked her to really be honest about her intentions.

When I heard them tell this story, I was shocked as well. I realized that when I have conflict in my marriage, my goals are almost always selfish. I either want to be right, or I want to win an argument. 

Admitting you're wrong is never fun.

But when you focus on your goal - in my case it's growth, or partnership, or closeness - you'll find that your conflicts fizzle faster than a birthday candle dropped in a bucket of water.

I hope you enjoy this week's episode, and I REALLY hope you check out the rest of this interview (along with a TON more awesome stuff) over at The 1% Club.

Show Notes:

Ashley and Nathan Logsdon are a full-time traveling family of 5. They walked away from the American Dream to live a live of travel and adventure. Ashley loves to work with families and help take them from surviving to thriving by showing them how to uncover how “the uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us”. She guides parents through identifying their strengths – and also their triggers – to live with intention and not simply react to the chaos of an ever-growing family.

Check out more of their adventures on their blog here. And be sure to check out their 90-day family road trip course if you want to live an adventure like theirs!

• 16:00 - "What's your goal?"

• 20:00 - Danielle LaPorte's The Desire Map

• 25:00 - Living in an RV for the last 15 months

• 32:00 - 90-day travel challenge

• 35:00 - What do you trade your time and energy for? Money? Memories? Relationships? Travel?

Why did my sex drive disappear after I had a baby?

Babies Change Everything!

Show notes will be available after this episode airs.

Show Notes:

The following time stamps are for the video version of the podcast:

How to talk to your partner about sex

The Loveumentary podcast is back for Season 3!

This season we're 100% dedicated to helping you create a vibrant, fulfilling, connecting sex life. I've invited one of my best friends, Kristin Hodson, LCSW and Certified Sex Therapist to be my cohost.

Together we're going to tackle the most commonly asked questions about sex. In every episode, we'll give you at least one thing you can do TODAY to make your relationship more extraordinary.

We hope you tune in every week... and more importantly, we hope you take action!

Your life can't change, and your marriage won't improve unless you do what's required to get the results you want.

In today's episode, we'll start with the basics. If you want a better sex life, you have to be able to talk about sex. We spent hours putting together an awesome 7-page guide called "How To Talk To Your Partner About Sex." In the guide, we go over mistakes to avoid, and techniques that will help you feel more confident and comfortable.

Just type in your name and email below and we'll send it to you asap!

Show Notes

The following time stamps are for the video version of the podcast:

• 1:10 - Sex is a skill!

• 1:50 - "Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people." -Jim Rohn

• 2:20 - Practice when things are easy so you have the skill when things get hard.

• 4:04 - Why do people struggle to talk about sex

• 5:15 - It's hard to ask for what you want, and easy to complain about what you hate.

• 6:50 - How do you even start talking about sex?

• 7:45 - The secret codes we create rather than talking...

• 8:30 - "Let's talk about how we want to talk about sex."

• 9:20 - Set up ground rules and boundaries to help determine how you want the conversation to go.

• 11:30 - If conversations about sex have always been hard, get curious as to why.

• 12:00 - Combining your sexual story, your partner's sexual story, and the story of your partnership can get complicated.

• 13:50 - How to have the conversation before the conversation

• 16:00 - Ground rules to set for having a conversation about sex

• 19:20 - Keep your bedroom sacred

• 20:00 - VAGINA! (Practice saying words that make you uncomfortable...)

• 22:00 - How to give positive feedback that makes your partner want to improve

• 23:25 - Set a timer so you don't spiral out of control

• 26:30 - The importance of making repair attempts

• 27:00 - Put time on the calendar to talk about it

• 28:10 - Learn to tolerate discomfort for growth!

• 29:00 - Aging is not a choice, but maturing is...

• 30:05 - The 1% Club

Why am I struggling to have an orgasm?

It's About the "O"

In today's episode we'll be talking about why orgasm can sometimes be elusive, and how you can become better friends with the big "O."

GET THIS EPISODE'S FREE DOWNLOAD

We spent hours putting together an awesome 7-page guide called "How to Experience Orgasm." In the guide, we go over a bunch of things you can do to become more familiar with your body, and your capacity for pleasure.

Just type in your name and email below and we'll send it to you asap!

Show Notes

The following time stamps are matched up to the podcast version of the episode, not the video version.

• 2:00 - Recap from last week

• 2:30 - If your sex is great, it accounts for 10% of your relationship. If your sex is struggling, it accounts for 90% of your relationship.

• 4:00 - The strength of your orgasms and the frequency can changed based off of the things that are going on in your life.

• 5:00 - Sometimes the only thing you need to "spice up your sex life" is understand your anatomy and its capacity for pleasure.

• 7:00 - Women's anatomy is no more complicated than male anatomy, we just haven't prioritized it enough.

• 9:00 - What is the vulva, and how is it different than the vagina?

• 10:15 - Women's sexual pleasure comes mainly through the clitoris, not the vagina. Most women either can't or struggle to experience orgasm through intercourse.

• 12:30 - Vaginal orgasm/G-spot orgasm is not a "different" orgasm from a clitoral orgasm.

• 14:00 - Follow the pleasure and take off the pressure.

• 14:30 - Sex is not a "drive"

• 15:40 - Context is HUGELY important to experiencing desire and arousal.

• 16:00 - Check out Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

• 17:45 - Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire. It's VERY important to know the difference, and which one you're more likely to experience.

• 19:10 - When were the times you had an amazing experience during sex? What was the context?

• 22:20 - For some people you experience desire for sex, then you experience arousal. For others, you experience arousal first, and then desire.

• 23:35 - Let's talk a little bit about vibrators and lube

• 26:20 - Stress is the anti-aphrodisiac

• 27:00 - Episode summary

• 29:00 - Extra resource: Becoming Clitorate by Laurie Mintz